My husband and I arenít seeing eye-to-eye on a motorcycle. The bike was my dadís, and I got it 4 years ago when he passed away. Iíd like to keep it because I grew up riding it with him, and I still ride it today. My husband thinks we should sell it to pay off debt. We make about $60,000 a year, and we have about $36,000 to go before weíre debt-free except for our home. The bike is worth about $2,300. What do you think?
Thereís no way Iíd sell that bike. If it were just a miscellaneous motorcycle, Iíd sell the thing in about 20 seconds. But this bike is unique and special because it was your dadís. Thereís only one of those in the world.
Itís like a lady in the same scenario saying she has a $2,300 diamond on her hand thatís her wedding†ring. Would I tell her to sell it? No way. This bike is very much woven into the fabric of your life and your fondest memories. As a rule, you just donít sell things like that.
Now, there may be extreme cases sometimes where a person might have to consider selling something of that magnitude. If you were in a truly awful situation making $10,000 a year and the ring is worth $200,000 while youíre $100,000 in debt, youíd have to give it some thought.
But thereís no way Iíd sell that bike in your case.
The family nightmare
My fiancee told me the other day heís going to buy a failing restaurant with his mom, sister, and a family friend. None of them have any food service or business experience, and he has never said anything about wanting to own a restaurant. When I questioned him about it, he said it was his motherís idea. I donít want to be part of this, and it wouldnít be his first big surprise decision, so I told him I would walk away from the marriage if he pursues this. I feel bad about it, because he didnít really do anything wrong. Do you think Iím making a wise decision?
Yes, he did do something wrong. He put his controlling mommy ahead of his bride-to-be, and it sounds like itís not the first time heís made big decisions without consulting you. Any man who doesnít consider the feelings of his wife or fiancee in an important decision-making process is not marriage material. I think your decision was heartbreaking, but wise.
Going into a partnership†with family like this is unwise. Thereís a lot of messed up stuff in his family dynamic. And itís not like you wonít support your man and his dreams and decisions, but those dreams need to contain wisdom and consideration for you. Otherwise, any dream will fast become a nightmare.
I know it hurts, Carla, but this was not the right guy for you. Money problems are one of the biggest causes of divorce†in America today. Trouble with in-laws is another, and you almost signed up for both. Iím sorry you had to make such a tough call.
If you want to salvage this, you could explain to him that he needs to make better decisions to win your hand again. In this case, making better decisions†means involving you in the process, and giving your thoughts, feelings, and opinions the respect they deserve.
ó Dave Ramsey is CEO of Ramsey Solutions. He has authored seven best-selling books, including The Total Money Makeover. The Dave Ramsey Show is heard by more than 13 million listeners each week on 585 radio stations and multiple digital platforms. Follow Dave on the web at daveramsey.com and on Twitter at @DaveRamsey.