Rockford Register Star reporter Kevin Haas weekly column
All last week I covered the release of Harry Potter, the biggest fictional event since the moon landing.
Here are a few stories I missed out on while hanging with the Potter heads:
--- I learned that 20th Century Fox is releasing a live-action Chipmunks movie starring Jason Lee as David Seville. The movie is directed by the same guy who did those live Garfield movies. I believe it will be about as successful as it sounds.--- A Washington man, The Associated Press reports, put a compliment machine on the streets to tell passers-by things like, "You have nice eyes." Sure, it’s nice to most, but what about the blind guy who walks by?
--- Barry Bonds is about to surpass Hank Aaron on the all-time home-run list, and a lot is being made of the fact that Barry’s head is roughly the same size as the Kool-Aid Man’s.
I don’t buy the steroid scandal. Since when is a huge head a sign of steroid use? I don’t see Conan O’Brien hitting any home runs. Plus, Barry once said of Babe Ruth, "Don’t talk about him no more." Considering that Ruth is like the Holy Grail of baseball players, I’d say a statement like that takes huge balls — a clear sign of no steroid use.
--- Reuters reported that one man squandered $200,000 on drinks at a London bar. Onlookers reportedly called it "excessive" and "totally frickin’ sweet."
Staff writer Kevin Haas is still coming off his contact high with the Potter heads. You may contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org.